you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
