That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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