just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
