I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
