I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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