It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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