Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she peed on how many people?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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