Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We are two peas in an std pod
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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