i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
