this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
