When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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