I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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