Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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