he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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