So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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