why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
