i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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