I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
