Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
