i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
