i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
