I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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