This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
