well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
