You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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