Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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