You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish I only lived at night.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
