How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
