i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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