he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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