is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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