pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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