I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
