my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
