Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
God I need to hump something, right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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