eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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