You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
