are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
