How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize