I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
