Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
