I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
