My cat gives me a boner
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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