U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
