dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize