the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
