i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Pooping to opera.
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