Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
