I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize