I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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