Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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