dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
