My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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