I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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