i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
