we're blogging at a bar
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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