this beer tastes like vomit already
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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