It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My life is pants optional.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
