Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I need moral support for this bender
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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