I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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