You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
