Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Pants are for mortals
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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