I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
