it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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