I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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