I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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