A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
