I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
