you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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