Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
