Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this boner is exhausting
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize