I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
