shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
