You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
