My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
