Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
